Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize