he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
