so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize