New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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