Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
