Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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