oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
