im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
