Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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