I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
