I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
