i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
