Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
