I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
