I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
