His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
