dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize