he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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