i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
