My liver just broke up with me...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
