It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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