Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
