My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
