My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
