woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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