Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
