I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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