Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize