I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize