i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
