East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
