I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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