Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
