oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
