then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
