Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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