Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
