Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
