So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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