what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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