If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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