thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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