at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
