OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
