Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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