we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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