She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
