I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
