She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
