I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
