What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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