Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
