Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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