I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
