Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize