Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
