Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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