Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
