hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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