Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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