he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she looked like the before picture.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize