Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
