There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize