your parents love me but you hate me
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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